Sandwich Generation Caregiver Burnout: Why Doing It All Is Not Sustainable

How to Set Boundaries, Delegate Tasks, and Reclaim Your Health and Well-being

Have you ever reached the end of the day, collapsed onto your couch, and realized you forgot to eat—again? Or felt overwhelmed, thinking, “If I don’t do it, who will?” Maybe you’ve felt guilty for resenting the weight of caregiving or even questioned if you were doing a good enough job.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And more importantly—it’s not sustainable. How can we start challenging the ways we’ve been thinking about caregiving?

Caregiving is filled with love, but it’s also layered with resentment, exhaustion, and guilt—emotions we rarely talk about. The fear of not doing enough keeps us trapped in the belief that if we just work harder, sacrifice more, and push through, we can hold everything together.

But what if the opposite is true?

Why Do We Feel Like We Must Do It All?

Underneath the overcommitment, there’s usually something deeper at play. You may be struggling to ask for help or set boundaries because of deeply ingrained beliefs and stories.

• Cultural & Family Expectations – Maybe you grew up watching family members silently take on caregiving roles without complaint. There’s an unspoken message that “this is just what we do.”
• Self-Worth & Identity – If caregiving is tied to how you see yourself, asking for help might feel like failing your loved one.
• Fear of Judgment – Worrying that family, friends, or even doctors will think you’re neglectful or uncaring if you set boundaries.
• Control & Perfectionism – The thought that no one else can do it “right,” so it feels easier to handle it all yourself.
• Love & Guilt – Because you care so deeply, it’s hard to accept that love doesn’t mean sacrificing your entire well-being.

These hidden pressures keep caregivers stuck in an unsustainable cycle of overcommitment, guilt, and burnout.

I know this all too well because I watched my own mother live it.

She worked full-time while caring for my grandmother, rarely asking for help because she felt she couldn’t. As a teenager, I helped where I could, but I saw the exhaustion on her face, the way she poured everything into caregiving and left nothing for herself. Her entire identity was wrapped up in being a caregiver. And when my grandmother passed, she not only lost her mother—she lost her sense of purpose.

She still struggles to prioritize herself, and if I’m being honest, so do I.  

The Hidden Cost of Doing It All

According to Cleveland Clinic, over 60% of caregivers experience symptoms of burnout, including exhaustion, irritability, and feelings of helplessness. Studies have shown that caregiving stress can lead to chronic health conditions such as high blood pressure, anxiety, and depression [Cleveland Clinic].

Additionally, AARP reports that more than 60% of caregivers have reported increased stress and worry due to their caregiving responsibilities, making it harder to maintain their own health and personal lives [AARP].

Intentionally deciding what matters most to you and what you can delegate allows you to prioritize your well-being while caring for your loved ones. It’s no surprise that caregivers who embrace a team-based approach—delegating tasks and clearly setting boundaries—experience fewer symptoms of burnout and feel more satisfied in their caregiving roles.

Caregiving Is a Team Effort (Not a Solo Act)

Caregiving involves many distinct roles: managing medications, emotional support, household tasks, finances, and much more. Expecting yourself to handle every responsibility alone is exhausting. When you share caregiving responsibilities, even with a small team, everyone feel less isolated. This approach helps to preserve your health and emotional well-being.

Caregiving is a shared journey. So, if you are a team of one right now, it’s ok.  Let’s start expanding your caregiving circle.

Creating Your Caregiving Dream Team: Let’s Get Started

Ready to start building a sustainable caregiving routine? Here’s how:

Step 1: Identify Your “Must-Dos” and Delegate the Rest

Not everything requires your personal touch. Create two columns:

• ✅ Must Do Myself: Critical decisions, emotional support, medical appointments.
• ❌ Can Delegate: Grocery shopping, some transportation, medication reminders, housekeeping. 

Step 2: Identify and Build Your Support Network

• Family & Friends: Even small contributions—like checking in on your loved one or running an errand—can add up.
• Neighbors & Community Resources: Faith-based groups, volunteer networks, or local caregiver support services can help.
• Professional Help: Home health aides, respite care providers, and geriatric care managers can take on some responsibilities.

Step 3: Weekly Caregiver Check-ins

Schedule weekly caregiver meetings—even just 10 minutes—to clearly assign responsibilities and support one another.  If your loved one lives far away, schedule regular check-ins with them as well. A simple phone or video call can make a difference in ensuring their needs are met and that they feel connected. Checking in also helps identify potential concerns before they become bigger issues.

Step 4: Embrace Technology

Use caregiving tools to ease your mental load. There are so many apps and resources to support your caregiving journey. If your providers offer patient portals, please set them up. Some portals connect with apps that give you access to even more detailed medical information.  This is a great starting point if you haven’t done this already.  Here are some of the apps and resources we use consistently:

• Medisafe for medication reminders and tracking
• Instacart for grocery delivery
• Uber to fill the gaps when we are not available
• Passkey on I-Phone for password sharing, currently transitioning over to 1Password
• Walgreens prescription delivery service
• Echo-Dot for scheduling reminders
• Google calendar that is synched across our devices with work and school schedules

Step 5: Set Boundaries Without Guilt

If you’ve ever thought setting boundaries means you care less, let’s reframe this belief.  Healthy boundaries are necessary—for yourself and the people you care for.  

If you are new to setting boundaries, start small and accept that you may feel discomfort.   Sometimes your loved ones will also have a difficult time accepting those boundaries, especially if they never learned how to create boundaries for themselves.

We’ve been met with mixed results. On one hand, we have one parent who is very willing to work with us around care and support. On the other, we are struggling with one parent who interprets these boundaries as hurtful, despite multiple conversations to clarify our motivation. Ultimately, it’s important for your loved ones to understand that emergencies are exceptions, of course, but caregiving requires rhythms that honor both of you.

Start Small, But Start Today

You don’t have to overhaul your entire caregiving approach overnight. Just start with one small step—whether it’s setting a boundary, delegating a task, or reaching out for support.  Start building the list of caregiving activities that really need your personal attention and which ones do not.  There are resources that will allow you to delegate these tasks, whether it’s a person, an app, or a service. 

Your loved ones need you, but they also need you healthy, present, and whole. Sustainable caregiving isn’t about perfection; it’s about finding a caregiving rhythm that allows you to take care of yourself, while caring for the ones you love.

So today, take that deep breath, take that first step, and know that you’re not in this alone.

Tell me in the comments: What’s one caregiving task you’ll delegate this week?