Caregiver Exhaustion Is Real: How to Reclaim Rest When You’re Always “On”

If you’re still feeling tired after Mother’s Day — or any holiday — you’re likely carrying more than you even realize.  Even when the day is meant to be about togetherness, you’re the one behind the scenes making it all happen:

• The food is just right.
• Everyone’s needs are accounted for.
• Conversations are flowing and everyone feels included.
• Those “special moments” are planned — because you’re the bridge.
  
  

But every bridge has a weight limit. It’s engineered to carry a certain load before the structure starts to strain.   You’re over that limit, and you’ve likely been there for a while.  And we’re not just talking about physical tiredness. This is the kind of tired that lives in your nervous system. 

Your body is trying to tell you something important:  It’s time for a pause.

The Nervous System Side of Burnout

Here’s what most people don’t realize: always being “ON” can rewire your body to stay in survival mode. This isn’t only about the stress of caring for aging parents. You’re also raising kids — and some days, it feels like they’re taking turns throwing you curveballs.

That’s the heart of the challenge:
You’re juggling two very different age groups with completely different needs — emotionally, logistically, and energetically. And you’re doing it all at once.

Right now, we’re wrapping up our first year of high school — and honestly? It’s felt like two years packed into one. 

You’re not imagining the fatigue.
A recent article in Psychology Today noted that mothers manage over 70% of the invisible, cognitive labor in a household — things like:

• Coordinating appointments
• Tracking medications
• Anticipating school forms
• Refilling prescriptions
• Reading the room to keep the peace

That constant mental vigilance? It’s called the mental load. And it’s exhausting. So, if you feel like your brain never shuts off—even when you’re sitting down—you’re not imagining it.  You’re managing a checklist no one else sees.

Here’s the catch:
Many of us have been wired to believe that if we stop to rest, everything will fall apart. We’ve learned that rest is selfish, even irresponsible.  Rest is a reward for getting everything done.  But is it ever really done?

One of the most common thoughts caregivers have is:

“There’s no time for me right now.”

But here’s the shift:
You are not outside the care plan. You are an essential part of it.
And when you include yourself, everyone benefits.

4 Gentle Ways to Reclaim Rest: No overhaul required.

You don’t need to shift everything.  Begin in the simplest way possible with the lowest barrier that tells your mind and body it’s OK to rest.

1️⃣ Anchor Your Day With Moments of Stillness

Pick micro-moments and let them belong to you. Set an alarm as a reminder if needed.  No checklists or multi-tasking, simply allow space to be present.

• A quiet coffee.
• Sitting in the car before pickup with your favorite book or listen to your favorite song
• 5 box breaths before bed or 3 minutes to journal (I love to do both)
• You’re favorite nightly skin care routine.

2️⃣ Create a Calm-Down Cue

Your body can’t flip a switch from constant go to instant calm.  You need a simple routine that helps your body recognize when it’s time to switch gears.  Choose something easy that you enjoy and repeat it until you start to associate this ritual with rest:

• Play the same song each night to unwind
• Rub calming oil into your hands
• Enjoy a cup of herbal tea before bed or journaling

 I need to take 5 box breaths before I can even think about shifting gears, sometimes more depending on the situation.

✨ This is what building a new rhythm looks like: one cue, repeated with kindness, until your system learns it’s safe to slow down.

3️⃣ Create Micro-Pauses

Say out-loud, “I need a few minutes to reset” without apology. This is what I do when I get home from picking up our kids, extracurriculars, work, or if I simply need a moment (sometimes you just need a moment to collect yourself.)

Unless something urgent requires your attention, give yourself permission to:

• Let someone else handle a task
• Let that call wait
• Let the kids be a little bored

Afterwards, I am more present, patient, and I feel less rushed.   The temptation to multi-task is real!  But these moments add up and teach you how to make space for yourself within your day.

4️⃣ Make Space for ONE Joyful Activity Just for You

Yes, that means writing yourself into your calendar. As in a real appointment with yourself. Even if it’s 15 minutes. Why? Because when something’s not scheduled, it becomes optional.  Not something productive, something you love to do simply for the joy of it.  Reconnect with an activity that make you feel like yourself again. 

This isn’t selfish. It’s essential. 

Let’s Redefine What “Rest” Means

Rest isn’t being lazy. It’s not indulgent. And it’s not something you have to “earn.”

A study published in PubMed Central found that caregivers who incorporated respite — intentional rest and outside support — experienced significant drops in strain, depression, and anger in just three months.

That’s the power of scheduled rest:
It doesn’t just help you. It strengthens your ability to keep showing up — with more presence and less pressure.    It allows you reconnect with the reason you started this journey in the first place:  love.

If the word “rest” doesn’t resonate with you, use a word that does.

• reset
• recharge
• re-center

What would it look like if you included yourself in the care plan today?

Especially if that idea feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable, because that means you’re finally beginning to listen to the part of you that’s been quietly asking to be seen.

Ready to Take One Mental Load Off?

🆓 Download the Free Medical Organizer
Put your family’s key medical info in one place — and give your brain a breather.

You don’t have to earn your rest.
But you can create more space for it, one step at a time.

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📚 Sources & Further Reading:

• PubMed Central: Effects of Respite Care on Caregiver Strain and Mental Health
• Psychology Today:  Mental Load: The Invisible Weight of Parenthood | Psychology Today