3 Caregiver Myths Making You Exhausted (And What to Do Instead)

Caregiving burnout is complicated and multi-layered. We all have different strengths and weaknesses—and sometimes, the parts we’re great at don’t protect us from overwhelm.

As an Advanced Practice Nurse, I can organize medical information easily. I know how to ask the right questions at appointments, manage medications, and stay calm during a medical emergency.

But the day-to-day life tasks?
That’s where I struggle.

Mom needs her outside lightbulbs changed.
Her car side mirror is broken, and I need to find a mechanic.
And we still haven’t figured out who can help us optimize her retirement.

Each of those things is small.
But they don’t feel small when they’re all living in my brain on top of everything else—
mixed in with my own work, my kids’ schedules, and the emotional load of being the default problem-solver.

It starts to feel like a mountain of little things, and when the mountain feels too high to climb… nothing gets done.

And then comes the guilt.  As a professional caregiver, I should have this figured out, right?  I often get frustrated with myself. Even with all my clinical experience, I still feel behind. Still disorganized. Still pressured to do it all on my own.

But here’s what I’ve come to realize:

It’s not just about what we do.
It’s also about what we believe.

We all carry quiet expectations about what a “good caregiver” is supposed to look like—often shaped by family dynamics, cultural pressure, or perfectionism.

And those beliefs?  They sound noble. They feel selfless. But they create guilt, stress, and exhaustion. You’re already managing medications, appointments, emotional crises, and logistics—often while juggling your own family and career. But there’s that invisible layer making it heavier: beliefs about what “good caregivers” are supposed to do.

Caregiving does come from the heart.  But all that love can get overshadowed by the daily weight of being a sandwich generation caregiver.  So how do we start putting some of that weight down?

Let’s begin with three myths we don’t need to carry anymore.

Myth #1: “I should be able to manage all of this by myself.”

The Lie You Tell Yourself

This thought sneaks in when you’re doing something vulnerable—asking a friend for backup, hiring help, or admitting you’re overwhelmed:

“If I was doing this right, I could handle this myself.”  Caregiving isn’t just about love. It’s also about capacity.

No one—no matter how much effort you put in or how much you care and love—no one can single-handedly manage:

• Daily logistics and household tasks
• Multiple medications and dosing schedules
• Financial planning and insurance claims
• Emotional support during crisis moments
• Doctor’s appointments and medical advocacy
• Emergency responses at 2 AM
• Their own job, family, and health

You absorbed this myth somewhere along the way: doing it all = doing it right. But it’s simply not true. Here’s what I remind myself of daily: You can love someone deeply and need help. You can show up fully and have limits.

Asking for caregiver support isn’t a character flaw—it’s a survival strategy. Support helps you stay connected long-term.

One action to take today: Text one person and ask for one specific thing. Not “let me know if you can help,” but “Can you pick up groceries Tuesday at 3 PM?” Specific requests get specific help. I’m sending out a text to my group thread and hopefully, someone knows a good mechanic.

Myth #2: “Good Caregivers Stay Calm, Organized, and On Top of Everything”

The Lie You Tell Yourself

You believe that if you’re frazzled, forgetful, or falling behind, you’re failing as a caregiver. But the truth about real caregiving is that most of what we do happens in the messy middle.

Even the most capable family caregivers:

• Forget appointment dates and must reschedule
• Lose track of which medication was taken when
• Cry in their car after a hard doctor’s visit
• Blank on what the specialist just explained
• Get emotionally flooded and need five minutes to compose themselves

Caregiving often involves trauma, chronic stress, and decision fatigue. If your baseline isn’t color-coded calm, that doesn’t make you a bad caregiver. That makes you a real one. 

I often need to remind myself that I can be a great caregiver while embracing the messy, emotional, and unresolved logistics.  Systems and support really help, but so can permission to be imperfect.

One action to take today: Give yourself permission to not be perfect. Write this down if it helps: “I’m doing my best with what I have right now, and that is enough.”

Set up one simple system—not ten. Maybe it’s a shared Google calendar. Maybe it’s a pill organizer. One thing that creates breathing room.

Myth #3: “I Can Get the Medical Info Together Later—Things Aren’t That Bad Yet”

The Lie You Tell Yourself

This myth has delayed more caregiving preparation than almost anything else.

It sounds rational, but the truth around medical emergencies is they never happen when you’re “ready”.  Instead, we tell ourselves:

• “It’s not urgent yet.”
• “I’ll do it after the next appointment.”
• “Things aren’t that serious right now.”
• “I’ll remember when I need it.”

Then in real life, Doctor’s offices ask for medication lists when you’re already maxed out. Hospital admissions happen at 11 PM. Insurance requires details you swear you had written down somewhere.

Suddenly you’re digging through patient portals, old voicemails, pill bottles, and your own exhausted memory—while also managing the crisis.

The belief that you can “pull it together later” creates silent pressure. Because deep down, you know you’re not quite ready if something shifts fast.

Remember, you don’t need a perfect medical binder today. You just need one small step toward being “ready enough.”

One action to take today: Start with one of these:

• One medication list with dosages and frequencies
• One medical snapshot (diagnoses, allergies, emergency contacts)
• One “who to call” page (primary doctor, specialists, pharmacy)

Put it on paper. Screenshot it. Store it in your phone’s notes. Voice record it if that’s easier.

That single step shifts you from scrambling to steady—without doing everything at once. Because “later” isn’t always when you expect it. But “ready enough” is something you can create right now.

What These Caregiver Myths Have in Common

They seem helpful. They sound selfless. They feel like what a “good caregiver” would think. But they’re adding unnecessary stress to an already overwhelming experience and pulling us away from the reasons we decided to support our loved ones in the first place.

Let’s Reframe All Three:

✓ You can care deeply and ask for caregiver support.
✓ You can be a great caregiver and be messy, emotional, behind, and imperfect.
✓ You can start organizing medical information before it feels urgent, a little bit at a time.

We all need more breathing room inside of this caregiving journey. I’m right there with you trying to figure out how to stay connected without getting lost in the task work and include myself in all the caregiving.

Take One Small Step Today

If this post hit close to home, I created a free resource to help you start without feeling overwhelmed.

It’s called the Medical Info Relief Guide—a simple way to get critical details out of your head and into one place, without needing to do it all at once.

Download it here: https://caregiverscoffee.myflodesk.com/opr49idrl3

And if you want more honest conversations about caregiver stress, burnout prevention, and practical caregiver resources, I publish new posts every Monday at Caregivers Coffee (sometimes Tuesdays because well, I’m a caregiver too).