Wait… Am I Actually a Caregiver?

And Why That Word Might Matter More Than You Think

If you’re reading this thinking, “I’m not a caregiver, I just help out…” — this post is especially for you.

Maybe you’ve been quietly bookmarking articles about caregiving “just in case.” Maybe a friend sent you something, and you opened it out of curiosity. But something inside you tenses up when you see that word: caregiver.

It feels too official. Too heavy. Too much like admitting mom can’t manage things the way she used to, or that your father-in-law needs more help than he’s willing to ask for.

So you tell yourself — and anyone who asks — that you’re just being helpful. You’re a good daughter. A supportive son-in-law. A loving friend. But not a caregiver.

And yet…

• You help manage medications.
• You book the appointments.
• You coordinate doctors, research specialists, and handle insurance.
• You juggle all of it alongside work, kids, and the responsibilities inside of your own life.
• Plus…let’s leave room for the fun stuff too!

You’re exhausted, stretched thin, and often running on empty. But because it comes from a place of love, you tell yourself it’s “just part of life right now.”

This is where so many of us get stuck.

The “Just Helping” Myth (And Why It’s Making This Season So Much Harder)

This role often starts gradually: you offer help here and there. Then it becomes a rhythm. A necessity. Eventually, you’re the go-to person for everything.  For many of you, this role started with a life changing event, and you’ve never had a chance to pause and actually acknowledge everything you’re doing.

You’re not alone.
More than 53 million Americans are providing unpaid care to someone they love.
Of those, 2.5 million are “sandwich generation” caregivers—raising children while caring for aging parents.
Nearly half report serious emotional strain, and many do it while working full-time.
(Sources: National Alliance for Caregiving, University of Michigan Journal of Geriatrics, Mental Health America)

Here’s the catch: over half of these caregivers don’t even identify as one.

That matters—because if you don’t acknowledge the caregiver role you are fulfilling, it’s even harder to identify the support you need.

When “Caregiver” Feels Like a Word We Whisper

Here’s what we often tell ourselves:

• “But I’m not doing 24/7 care…”
• “My mom’s still pretty independent…”
• “Other families have it worse…”
• “I’m just being a good daughter.”
• “It’s not that serious—this is just temporary.”

Sound familiar? We start comparing our situation to the situations of others.  We imagine this invisible threshold that you must cross before you’re “caregiver enough” to deserve help.

But here’s something to consider: There’s no minimum requirement for needing support and help.  

 

Why We Resist the Label (Even When We’re Living the Role)

Let’s call out a few quiet truths that might be simmering under the surface:

✴︎ We’ve been taught to value independence.

Admitting our loved one needs care—and that we’re providing it—can feel like stripping them of their autonomy, even dignity. It’s easier to say we’re “just helping” because it sounds gentler.

✴︎ We don’t want to be seen as controlling.

We’ve heard stories about family members who steamroll their parents’ wishes. We’re afraid that by embracing the caregiver label, we’ll be seen as that person.

✴︎ We fear the forever.

What if naming ourselves a caregiver means this is how life will be now? It feels like a commitment we didn’t ask for—and might not be able to keep.

✴︎ We’re trying to protect our own identity.

You’ve spent years becoming who you are. A parent. A professional. A partner. Adding “caregiver” can feel overwhelming.  And that loss of self? It’s real. And it’s valid.  Maybe you’re like me and you’re a caregiver by profession, suddenly it can feel like there’s no separation between work and personal life.

But here’s what I’ve learned from listening to families for over 20 years:
naming it gives you space to recognize everything you are doing.  Writing down exactly what you are doing can help you see how much support you really need. That’s a strength, not a weakness.

“Am I a Caregiver?” – A Quick Gut Check:

✅ Attend or schedule medical appointments
✅ Manage medications or insurance
✅ Provide rides, meals, or household help
✅ Help with decision-making
✅ Check in regularly to offer emotional support
✅ Respond to health emergencies, the primary emergency contact
✅ Coordinate care among siblings or providers

If you said yes to more than two of these—yep, you’re caregiving.

What Changes? It doesn’t mean you have it all figured out. It means you’re honoring what you’re already doing. You can start building a foundation that supports you and the people you love.

Here are five foundational shifts that become possible:

✔️ You Start to See the Support That’s Available
Once you stop calling it “just helping,” a whole world of resources becomes easier to find—respite care, tax deductions, grants, free webinars, and caregiver-specific programs. But none of them show up in your search bar until you start using the word.

✔️ You Begin Exploring Boundaries That Protect You
Caregivers often carry an invisible load that no one sees. And many feel guilty just thinking about setting limits. But it’s critical to gently start saying, “I need help with this,” or “That’s more than I can take on right now.”

✔️ You Can Start Connecting With Others Who Understand
Support groups, community forums, even quiet conversations with friends. It might surprise you how many people you know are “just helping” — but naming your role gives others permission to say, “Me too,” and creates space for real connection.

✔️ You Can Slowly Step Into Medical Advocacy
You may not feel ready to join every provider meeting or manage more details. That’s okay. But when you recognize your role, you’re more likely to ask questions, track information, and begin advocating.

✔️ You Make Room for Yourself in the Process
Sustainable caregiving includes you, too. The moment you begin seeing yourself as part of the equation, you open the possibility of rest, reconnection, and moments of ease—even if it’s just five minutes in the car before pickup. Thos moments looks different now, but they are even more important.  

These aren’t boxes to check. It’s about realizing you deserve support, too—and that small shifts can lead to meaningful relief over time.

If you’re just beginning to acknowledge that you’re in this season… that’s enough.

Gentle Questions to Reflect On

Take your time with these:

1. What story am I telling myself about caregiving?
2. If my best friend described doing everything I do, what would I call them?
3. What would caregiving look like if I included myself in the picture, too?

The truth is, you’re already doing the work.
This isn’t about adding more to your plate. It’s about finally making space for what’s already there—and gently allowing some of it to be supported.

That support might look like:

• 🤝 Reaching out to people you trust—friends, family, or support groups
• 🛠 Using tools or tech to offload repetitive tasks (reminders, calendars, med logs, grocery delivery)
• 🩺 Having more honest conversations with providers who see you as part of the team
• 🌱 Giving yourself permission to rest, delegate, or say “I can’t do this alone”

You don’t need to have it all mapped out—just start where you are, with what you can do today.

Ready to Take a Small First Step?

Let’s make caregiving feel just a little less overwhelming starting now.

🧾 Download the Free Medical Information Organizer Starter Kit – your go-to resource for organizing important health information before you need it in a rush.

👉  https://caregiverscoffee.myflodesk.com/opr49idrl3

Whether you’ve been “just helping” for years or are new to this role, you are not alone.

🫶 I’d love to hear from you:
What story have you been telling yourself about caregiving?
Drop it in the comments—your voice might be just what someone else needs to hear.

---

Sources & Suggested Reading

1. University of Michigan, Journal of the American Geriatrics Society (2024) – A National Profile of Sandwich Generation Caregivers
2. Mental Health America (2024) – Caregiving and the Sandwich Generation
3. National Alliance for Caregiving (2024) – Caregiving in the U.S.
4. Caregiver Action Network – “I Care” Campaign and Resources

---