What to Do When You, the Caregiver, Gets Sick: Sustainable Support for the Sandwich Generation

A practical guide to navigating caregiving duties when you’re under the weather—without guilt or burnout.

Caregiving has its own rhythm—there are days when you feel steady and care feels manageable, others that are packed with to-dos, and moments when everything seems to happen all at once. But your care rhythm can really take a hit when you’re the one with a fever, the flu, or a stomach bug.

And for those of us in the sandwich generation, caring for both aging parents and children, the challenge becomes:
How do I keep everything running when I can barely get out of bed?

Caregiving doesn’t pause when you’re under the weather. So, lets walk through a sustainable, real-life approach to caregiving while sick- rooted in rhythms that flex, routines that support you, and systems that won’t fall apart the minute you need to rest.

Step 1. Acknowledge the Season

Caregiving, like life, moves in seasons. There are times of relative calm, and times when everything feels like a storm.  The first step is recognizing the season you’re in and giving yourself permission to adjust.

If you’re sick, it’s not the time to power through.  It’s time to scale back and focus only on the essentials so that you can feel better.

Old Belief: I must push through and handle it all, even when I’m sick.             New Belief:  My caregiving routine supports me as well, especially when I need rest.

Let’s say that again: Your caregiving rhythm needs to support you, not collapse the moment you need to rest.  When you build care systems that are flexible and sustainable, they give you space to pause, without guilt, and without everything falling apart.

2. Simplify and Prioritize

Sustainable caregiving means letting go of “should” and focusing on what matters. Illness narrows your bandwidth and that’s ok, it just means it’s time to shift. Give yourself permission to focus on less. Here’s how to simplify:

• Trim your to-do list. Think bare minimum. Maybe meals are takeout, you check in with Mom via phone instead of driving over.
• Use tech to your advantage. Video calls, medication delivery, grocery delivery, Uber ride for a doctor’s appointment. These are tools for aligned action.
• Cancel what can wait.  If your energy is limited, protect it like gold. Reschedule non-urgent appointments. 

3. Lean on Your Care Circle

Now is the time to let your caregiving circle do what you intended: to support you. As an only child, I lean heavily on technology, and we have a few close friends and a neighbor that I know can step in when I really need them, vice versa.  Your circle doesn’t need to big to make an impact, ours is not. 

Your care circle might include:

• A sibling who does a quick wellness check on Dad
• A neighbor who drops off soup or helps with carpool
• A friend who picks up cold meds or can run a quick errand
• Technology can fill the gaps for you, from meal kits to medication and grocery delivery, video check-ins, and virtual provider visits.

If you don’t have a care circle, it’s a great time to start mapping one out. Think about who you trust, what they’re good at, and how you might ask for help when you’re in a tough season.

4. Consider Professional Support

Caregiving runs the full spectrum from loved ones who need a check- in to needing everyday care.  Outside help can be a game changer. You don’t have to commit to full-time care—sometimes a few hours of back-up care can create the breathing room you need. 

Here are a few places to look:

• Care.com – A platform to find vetted caregivers for both children and older adults.
• Visiting Angels – In-home care services tailored to seniors.
• Eldercare Locator (eldercare.acl.gov) – A free resource from the U.S. Administration on Aging that connects families with services in their area.
• Local senior centers or aging commissions – Many offer drop-in or short-term respite programs.
• AARP Caregiving Resources – A hub with tools, checklists, and local support directories
• Area Agencies on Aging (agingcare.com) – offer services for respite care and short-term care.
• Ask you provider for resources, they are there to help.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Rest

This might be the hardest step of all. You are incredibly good at caring for others but struggle to give yourself the same care. You wouldn’t ask your loved one to push through a fever or exhaustion—and yet, we often expect that from ourselves.

Sustainable caregiving starts with understanding that your wellbeing matters just as much as anyone else’s. Rest isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

When You’re Sick: The Emotional Weight No One Talks About

It’s not just the cough or the chills.  It’s the mental tug-of-war that starts the minute you realize you can’t do it all:

• “I should be checking in on mom…”
• “But the kids still need dinner and help with their homework…”
• “I don’t want to burden anyone else…”

The guilt is real. But so is the truth: you’re allowed to rest. Especially when your body is waving the white flag, you have the right to honor that. You’re an amazing caregiver—even when your body needs a break.

Your Caregiver Sick Day Mini-Plan

Some days you just don’t have the energy. Here’s your low-pressure plan to get you through with a little more ease. 

Today’s Checklist for When You’re Down

1. What absolutely needs to get done today?
   (One or two things. Let the rest go.)
2. Send one message to your care circle asking for help.
   (“I’m under the weather today. Could you check on Mom or help with pickup?”)
3. Use a shared calendar or app like Google Calendar or Carely to keep everyone in the loop.
4. Have your “If I’m Out” folder ready
   (This can be digital or physical: medications, routines, emergency contacts.)
5. Put yourself on the priority list.
   Rest and recharge so that you can recover.

Why Sustainable Routines Matter

When we try to do everything ourselves, we build a system that fall apart the moment we’re the one who needs care.   The caregiving routines you put in place now—shared calendars, weekly check-ins, backup plans, care circles—are what make space for rest when life happens.

Sustainable caregiving routines allow for:

• More predictability during unpredictable seasons
• Built-in space for rest without the guilt
• A support system that doesn’t depend on your constant energy
• Flexibility that works in real life, not just ideal scenarios

Rewriting the Guilt Script

Let’s quiet the voice that says:

• “You’re dropping the ball.”
• “You can’t rest—your parent needs you.”
• “You’re being selfish.”

Let’s replace it with:

• “My rest today makes it possible to show up tomorrow.”
• “Systems are in place. I’m supported.”
• “Sustainable caregiving means I matter too.”

Final Thought: You’re Still the Glue, Even When You Rest

Your journey isn’t about perfection, it’s about building something that serves you and the ones you love.  Once you’re back on your feet, take a moment to reflect:

• What worked?
• What felt missing?
• What would make next time easier?

Use those insights to strengthen your routines, your inner circle, and your peace of mind. If you managed through this season with a little less chaos than last time, celebrate that. You’ve built the foundation for a more sustainable, and more enjoyable caregiving journey.

Share some of your favorite tools and resources below. Let’s help our fellow caregivers embrace sustainable caregiving routines for themselves.

Because at the end of the day, you’re doing enough, even on your sick days.  Showing up for yourself IS showing up for your family.