Could You Speak for Your Parent in an Emergency?

If you are the emergency contact for a loved one, read this.

A few months ago, I was sitting with a friend over coffee, talking about new projects we were both working on. I shared a little bit about Caregivers Coffee and why I started it.

She smiled and said, “That’s such a great idea… but my parents handle all of that themselves. They’re independent. They know their meds, they go to their own doctors’ visits. I don’t really feel like I need to be involved.”

I looked at her and gently asked one question:

“If you had to speak for one of your parents tomorrow, could you?”

Silence.

Finally, she said quietly: “No. I couldn’t.”

And that’s the moment that no one expects.

The Invisible Gap

Every August, parents everywhere dive headfirst into the back-to-school scramble. There are supply lists to check off, forms to sign, physicals and immunizations, emergency contacts to update.

It’s not negotiable — school requires it, so we do it.

But here’s what struck me: when it comes to our aging parents, there’s no natural season like that. No form gets sent home. No checklist magically arrives in the mail when they turn 65. No yearly reminder that it’s time to get their health and emergency information together.

We assume independence means preparedness. We think, “They’ve got it handled.”

But here’s the hard truth: independence doesn’t equal readiness. A parent can be totally capable of managing their health one day — and the next, the baton gets passed to you without warning.

If you’re listed as the emergency contact, you will be the one answering the questions. If they have compiled their information into one place, ask them to share it with you, or ask them where they keep it in case you need to access it.

You Won’t Regret Doing This

I need to be direct here, because this matters.

You will never regret organizing your parent’s health information. Not from a place of fear or panic, but from a place of love and compassion ( for them and you).

Picture this: it’s 2 a.m. and you’ve just called 911. The EMTs arrive and immediately start asking you questions, rapid-fire:

• “What meds do they take?”
• “What allergies do they have?”
• “Any history of stroke?”
• “When were they last seen normal?” (this is really critical if a stroke is suspected)

Your heart is pounding. You’re terrified. And you’re trying to remember details you’ve talked about on occasion.

In that moment, a list isn’t just paper. It’s clarity. It’s peace of mind. Emergencies never happen at a convenient time. They happen at 2 a.m., on weekends, in the middle of your workday, or when you’re already stretched thin.

The Must-Know List

Here’s what you absolutely need to know if you are your parent’s emergency contact. This is not about documenting every detail of their medical history. It’s about being able to hand over the essentials in seconds.

1. Critical Health Information

Medications: especially blood thinners, insulin, seizure meds, heart meds, inhalers, controlled substances or narcotics

Allergies: medications, foods, latex, contrast dye and reaction, especially anaphylaxis

Devices: pacemaker, defibrillator, dialysis access, home oxygen, feeding tube, insulin pump, mediport , pain or nerve stimulator

Major Diagnoses:

• Heart: history of heart attack, heart failure, stents, bypass, atrial fibrillation, blood clot (DVT)
• Neurologic: stroke/TIA, seizures, dementia, Parkinson’s, MS, ALS
• Pulmonary: COPD, emphysema, asthma, sleep apnea, home O2, PE (pulmonary embolus), Prior or current tracheostomy plus size.
• Endocrine: diabetes, adrenal insufficiency (Addison’s, chronic steroids)
• Renal/Liver: kidney disease, dialysis schedule, cirrhosis
• Cancer: if they’re currently in treatment and location of cancer
• Procedures/Surgery: Within the last 12 months PLUS ANY Heart, major vessels ( ie: carotid surgery), brain ( ie: aneurysm repair ), lung (ie: lobectomy), esophageal surgeries (ie: esophagectomy), Organ transplants. Add any additional surgeries you think are important here.

2. Emergency Essentials

Insurance card + ID (copy)

If your loved one has advance directives or code status paperwork (like DNR/DNI orders, POLST, or a healthcare power of attorney), keep a copy with your checklist. In a crisis, this spares everyone confusion and ensures your loved one’s wishes are respected.

Emergency contacts (real ones):

• Your doctor is not your emergency contact
• At 2 a.m., you will not be calling the doctor to clarify meds. That’s why their voicemail says, “If this is an emergency, hang up and dial 911.”
• If you are the emergency contact, you are the one fielding the questions

Primary care doctor + specialists (names & phone numbers)

Build a Caregiver To-Go Bag: Emergencies rarely happen at convenient times. Having a simple “to-go bag” ready can save you precious minutes and a lot of stress. 

This isn’t a comprehensive history — it’s the must-know essentials that will help emergency teams act quickly and give you peace of mind.

🚑 EMS Reality Check: What They’ll Actually Ask You

When EMS arrives, every second counts. Their job is to stabilize your loved one and get them to the hospital with the right information in hand. That means they’ll be asking you for the essentials while they’re already working.

Questions they’ll ask you: • What happened? (collapse, chest pain, confusion, seizure, fall, etc.)
• When did it start? (time last seen normal is critical in strokes)
• Did you witness it, or did you find them down?
• Are these symptoms new, or do they have a history (like prior stroke or seizures)?
• What medications do they take? (especially blood thinners, insulin, seizure meds, heart meds)
• Any allergies? (medications, latex, contrast dye)
• Any major medical history? (heart disease, diabetes, cancer in treatment, kidney disease, dementia)
• Do they have a DNR/DNI or advanced directive?
• Is there a preferred hospital? (this is a conversation to have with their primary doctor during a routine visit)

👉 Why it matters: The faster you can hand over clear, accurate information, the faster EMS can act — and the better prepared the hospital team will be when your loved one arrives.

The 2024 American Heart Association and American Red Cross Guidelines for First Aid emphasize that in adults with acute chest pain, emergency medical services should be activated immediately to initiate transport to the closest emergency department. Having this information ready can save precious minutes.

3. Skip the Noise

Don’t worry about: • Surgeries from 20 years ago (hysterectomy, gallbladder, appendix)
• Childhood illnesses
• Blood type (hospitals test it anyway, universal donor blood is used if needed emergently before blood type is verified)
• Routine procedures, labs, or vital signs with no ongoing impact or within normal limits.

Less is more. EMS and ER teams don’t need a novel. They need the bullet points that impact treatment. The rest can wait.

The Hidden Mental Load

If you’re in the sandwich generation, you’re already carrying a double load: kids + parents.

You know every detail of your child’s school forms. You can rattle off their pediatrician, their allergies, and when their last tetanus shot was.

Every school year we are prompted to collect this information and submit it. This helps keep these details top of mind. But, you don’t have to carry it all in your head, and honestly, you shouldn’t.

That mental load of “carrying it all in your head” is draining you in your daily life – taking up precious space and energy. It makes it harder to focus, harder to rest, harder to care for yourself.

And let’s be honest: we are often the worst at scheduling our own appointments, following up on our own labs, and organizing our information. We’re so busy caring for everyone else that we leave ourselves for last.  This is from personal experience!

Don’t Wait for a Crisis

Back at that coffee shop, my friend walked away realizing she wasn’t ready.

And that’s not a bad thing- awareness is the first step.  It’s not about judgement or making her feel like she’s dropping the ball.  Unlike back-to-school for our kids, there are no social cues that roll around every year reminding us about the importance of getting this information organized.  

It’s also difficult to ever feel “ready” for an emergency. But when it comes to supporting your loved one in that moment of urgency or emergency, that preparation brings peace and reassurance, even inside of the fear and uncertainty of those unforgettable moments.

But that’s the point: you don’t wait until the fire to buy the extinguisher. You don’t wait until the school calls to finally find a pediatrician. Let’s agree we are no longer willing to wait until our parent can’t speak for themselves to wonder what meds they are taking.

This isn’t about fear. It’s about love. It’s about dignity. It’s about peace of mind for you and for them. Plus, having this information readily available makes the everyday lighter:

• Better communication with providers
• Easier to hire professional help and enlist trusted family and friends knowing you can hand this information over
• Continuity of care, whether your loved ones can still care from themselves or need support.

Your Action Steps This Week

Here’s my challenge for you this week:

• Gather the must-know info (use the list above or download the printables I made)
• Write it down and screenshot it – Put it in a locked folder on your phone for extra protection
• Put it in one safe, accessible place

You don’t have to tackle everything today. But start.

If you want to print out this checklist and use it as a guide, I’ve included a free printable here:

👉 https://caregiverscoffee.myflodesk.com/echecklist

If you’re ever called to speak on your parent’s behalf, in that moment, you’ll be glad you said yes to doing this now.

Additional Resources

Emergency Preparedness for Older Adults:

• FEMA Disaster Preparedness Guide for Older Adults – Comprehensive three-step preparedness guide with worksheets
• National Institute on Aging: Disaster Preparedness – Research-based preparedness strategies

Medical Emergency Resources:

• 2024 American Heart Association and American Red Cross First Aid Guidelines – Latest evidence-based first aid recommendations
• American Heart Association CPR & First Aid Training – Find local CPR and first aid training classes